that never ending-ness

i'm sorry.
he said.
I'm not sure how many more sorrys
are yet to be left at our door.
but you just keep loving don't you.
you love until it hurts.
it's a love like no other.
the love you have for your children.
that gut wrenching love.
the never ending-ness.
the i will lay down for you-ness.
the forever-ness.
and the loneliness.
yes. there's that too.
because you basically ride alone.
only God can see
you see.

 

{image via deviantart}

mother's day

we talked. he and i.
we've talked before
about it all.
the why.
but we've never gone back
to the agony
how afraid i was of losing him
how brave he was.
he said
you saved me mum.
you saved me.
he sobbed
and wondered when he was ever going to grow up.
stop being so selfish.
i said.
you are growing up.
every day.
we held each other and sobbed.
and sobbed.
it was mother's day.
what a gift.
no greater gift.
than to have him there with me.
healthy. aware. alive.
and well
again.

the year of letting go

the year was about
staying in. not venturing too far.
not doing hard.
calming the thoughts in my head.
the trauma of what was.
letting it go.
and placing it at His feet.
not. so. easy.
but i am trying.
to allow it.
if i feel sad. i will be sad.
if i feel afraid. i will be afraid.
the trick is to not hold on.
but to let it go.
be sad. then let it go.
be afraid. then let it go.
2012.
the year of letting go.
stepping outside.
learning to breathe.
and trust.
that he will be ok.

{via Drifter and the Gypsy}

if you could hear me

i would offer these to you.

you just need a little

{images via here}

just because

sigh

i dream of you

there you are

{image unknown}

inspired

take me there

travelling heart

i'm not sure how far my heart has travelled this year.
but it has been a long way. a very long way.
how does it go?
all the way to the moon. and back?
i think that's how it goes.

the saddest summary

“Don’t fear failure so much that you refuse to try new things. The saddest summary of a life contains three descriptions: could have, might have, and should have.”
— Louis E. Boone

{image} passeriformes' flickr