mother's day

we talked. he and i.
we've talked before
about it all.
the why.
but we've never gone back
to the agony
how afraid i was of losing him
how brave he was.
he said
you saved me mum.
you saved me.
he sobbed
and wondered when he was ever going to grow up.
stop being so selfish.
i said.
you are growing up.
every day.
we held each other and sobbed.
and sobbed.
it was mother's day.
what a gift.
no greater gift.
than to have him there with me.
healthy. aware. alive.
and well
again.

the year of letting go

the year was about
staying in. not venturing too far.
not doing hard.
calming the thoughts in my head.
the trauma of what was.
letting it go.
and placing it at His feet.
not. so. easy.
but i am trying.
to allow it.
if i feel sad. i will be sad.
if i feel afraid. i will be afraid.
the trick is to not hold on.
but to let it go.
be sad. then let it go.
be afraid. then let it go.
2012.
the year of letting go.
stepping outside.
learning to breathe.
and trust.
that he will be ok.

{via Drifter and the Gypsy}