well.
it's been a long time between posts.
been a bit busy with the breast cancer thing.
and the 10 hour surgery thing.
and the 13 days in hospital thing.
the pain. in the first 7 days. was horrific.
the inability to sleep. the inability to get the pain under control. i didn't think i'd get through it. it was plain awful.
but then the news on the 7th day that I was cancer free.
cured.
no need for further treatment.
miraculous.
i remember when she told me. i was reading a book.
my family were 10 minutes away. so i was on my own.
the surgeon walked in and smiled.
she never smiles.
not really.
so i sort of knew.
i said.
good news?
she said.
great news.
she left the room. and i went back to reading my book.
i know. strange.
finally i stopped. i looked out the window to the pretty view.
and tried to comprehend what had just happened.
it had been 5 months of uncertainty.
i'd had major surgery. more complex than heart surgery.
i'd had my breasts removed and replaced with new ones.
new ones that i couldn't even bring myself to look at. not properly.
not yet.
but in the end. it was all worth it. to get that news.
and then the tears came. not alot. just enough.
until the family got there. and i told them.
all in shock. all so happy.
after the months of bad news.
the good news came. the great news.
the gracious news.
in an instant i had gone from a cancer sufferer.
to a cancer survivor.
just like that.
i am not sure why it has taken me so long to write.
about something so wonderful.
why is that?
why is it easier to write about suffering.
than joy?
i've been busy. sure.
busy getting better. recovering. resting. getting strong.
busy dealing with other heartache and trauma in our family.
but still. you'd think i would have made the time by now.
funny.
how joy is sometimes hard.
i am truly thankful.
no doubt.
i just wish every woman with breast cancer.
was as fortunate. in the end.
as me.
i am not sure why the sun shines for me today.
and not for others.
i am not sure why my friend sheila had to die.
and i get to live.
i do believe in a God who saves. and who loves.
who has poured his graciousness out on me.
but even in my joy.
i am sad.
it's been a long time between posts.
been a bit busy with the breast cancer thing.
and the 10 hour surgery thing.
and the 13 days in hospital thing.
the pain. in the first 7 days. was horrific.
the inability to sleep. the inability to get the pain under control. i didn't think i'd get through it. it was plain awful.
but then the news on the 7th day that I was cancer free.
cured.
no need for further treatment.
miraculous.
i remember when she told me. i was reading a book.
my family were 10 minutes away. so i was on my own.
the surgeon walked in and smiled.
she never smiles.
not really.
so i sort of knew.
i said.
good news?
she said.
great news.
she left the room. and i went back to reading my book.
i know. strange.
finally i stopped. i looked out the window to the pretty view.
and tried to comprehend what had just happened.
it had been 5 months of uncertainty.
i'd had major surgery. more complex than heart surgery.
i'd had my breasts removed and replaced with new ones.
new ones that i couldn't even bring myself to look at. not properly.
not yet.
but in the end. it was all worth it. to get that news.
and then the tears came. not alot. just enough.
until the family got there. and i told them.
all in shock. all so happy.
after the months of bad news.
the good news came. the great news.
the gracious news.
in an instant i had gone from a cancer sufferer.
to a cancer survivor.
just like that.
i am not sure why it has taken me so long to write.
about something so wonderful.
why is that?
why is it easier to write about suffering.
than joy?
i've been busy. sure.
busy getting better. recovering. resting. getting strong.
busy dealing with other heartache and trauma in our family.
but still. you'd think i would have made the time by now.
funny.
how joy is sometimes hard.
i am truly thankful.
no doubt.
i just wish every woman with breast cancer.
was as fortunate. in the end.
as me.
i am not sure why the sun shines for me today.
and not for others.
i am not sure why my friend sheila had to die.
and i get to live.
i do believe in a God who saves. and who loves.
who has poured his graciousness out on me.
but even in my joy.
i am sad.
Oh my gorgeous friend, you write so beautifully and honestly. Look back over the huge hurdle you have made your way over......did you look and remember what you were given the strength to deal with, now look forward and know that God will lead you through the present one and ones to follow.Love you Sally Ann
ReplyDeletecancer-free. yeah you are.
ReplyDeleteoh the painful understatement "the breast cancer thing".
come back here and write some more.
it's lovely to hear you.